Kids and Gaming?

I recently posted a blog about my daughter's adventures playing one of the video games I recently purchased. Before I had decided to post that blog, I had had some concerns about posting it because I thought some people might find it offensive. But in the end, I obviously posted it anyways. I figured if I'm already considering censoring what I wanted to post...then I might as well quit my blog now. Because that's just not the type of blog that I want to write.

But with all that said, I thought it might be a good idea to post about why I think it's okay to be doing what I'm doing. I would also be interested in any reader comments (either for or against) on the subject. I enjoy hearing different viewpoints...because I know that I've personally changed a lot of my views fairly recently because of different viewpoints that have been expressed to me.

So let's start from the beginning. Whenever my two boys were much younger...I used to restrict what they could watch or play. That's because someone, somewhere had told me that it might be bad for them. For instance...that watching violent movies and playing violent video games was not good for them. That it could lead to violent tendencies or could make them desensitized to violence. So...I went along with it because I wanted "the best" for my kids.

My eldest daughter is now three years old (almost four). She has been watching me play various video games...basically since the day she was born. I have not restricted her viewing much, even with movies and TV shows. I do watch a lot of mature shows, movies and video games...ones that have "bad" language, sex, violence, and even death/killing.

The only line I would probably draw here would be if I was watching something that was like a shock-horror movie (which is pretty rare for me)...something that might really scare her and give her unnecessary nightmares. I figure I'll try and let her create her own things to be scared of in her own due time.

So I do want to clarify here...that I'm not forcing her to do any of these things. She's making her own choices whether to sit and watch these things with me...and I try and answer any questions that she comes up with. Now, more often than not, she'll come over and start watching something with me...but quickly fade away to do something else she'd rather be doing...like watching a different movie or playing a different game. Most of the time...whatever it is I'm doing just doesn't interest her.

Now that leads to where we are now...in regards to the "mature" video game that I'm currently playing. I started it about a week ago and she had watched me play it off and on for a couple days. One time when she was briefly watching me play....she asked me if she could play this game...and I quickly told her no. This was not because I was concerned about the "mature" nature of the game...but because I know that she has difficult time with the game controller...mostly with being able to move around in that type of game. Her hands just aren't quite big enough to hold it in order to use the joystick easily. So when my friend suggested that I should write a blog about her playing the game too...I jumped on it. I knew I would have to help her along with the controls...but I knew it was something she would enjoy because she already asked me to do it...and it would also be something she could do with me.

So I asked her if she still wanted to play that game...and she told me she did...and here we are. So now, I only play the game with her when she asks to play...and I only play as long as she wants to play...which is usually only about 15-30 minutes. I do have to help her with the controls a little...but she's getting better each time she plays. If nothing else, I figure I'm helping her with her hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills. She also really likes to "kill the bad guys". She mostly just sits there mashing the button as fast as she can until they are all dead. And she gets excited about "winning" against them.

Now, as far as the "Bella's Kill Count" is concerned...that was more of something funny to put up that people could check every time they read my blog. If people don't really think it's all that funny, then I can just take it down.

I hope that is enough of an explanation for people...there's actually probably more that I could say on the subject...but I figure that's enough reading for you guys for now. So PLEASE leave some comments if you feel so inclined to do so. I would like to hear about why you agree or disagree. Or maybe just tell me about what you do with your kids and why you choose to do so.

How To: Let Your Kids Be Happy

For all the existing or soon to be fathers out there...do you want to know the best advice I have for being a good parent/father? It's very simple...in an abstract sort of way. The answer is...

Patience.

This might seem obvious...but maybe I should explain a little more to let you know what I mean. If we personally had all the time in the world...I don't think we would ever get mad/frustrated/angry at our kids. If you ever look back at the moments where you felt like you were not being the best parent...more than likely if you had had more time at that moment, things would have been just fine. Let me give some for-instances...

The first obvious one...involves any time that you were ever running late for something...school, the doctor, well just about anything really. Your child, at that moment, is just being a child...not caring about timelines or appointments or deadlines...just going with the flow, doing whatever it is they want to do. All of sudden you start requesting that your child get ready to go...finished getting dressed...get your shoes on...etc. And oh wait...they also have to go to the bathroom...or they're hungry...or maybe they just weren't mentally prepared to go at all. And now your child is getting upset because they're being rushed when they weren't ready to be rushed...and now you're either running late or your child is screaming in your ear because they are unhappy.

So...how could this have been avoided. Although patience is the key...it's not really the complete answer. The patience comes with spending a little more time to prepare your child to get ready to leave. Let them know well in advance so they aren't surprised when the time comes. Start getting them ready a lot earlier than you think that you might need to get ready...this allows for any of those surprises that your child might bring up that you really hadn't planned on. And also have a little patience with how long it takes them to do something...try not to rush them and try not to do it yourself. This is where having all the time in the world would be helpful...because it seems more often than not, that we don't have that little bit of extra time to do those things. So unfortunately, no matter how many times you do try to plan for this...there will probably be times where things still won't work out in your or your child's favor. C'est la vie. Just try and roll with it as much as you can.

Another for-instance is...whenever your child is trying something for the first time...or maybe just hadn't gotten the hang of doing something and is trying it out again. It's REAL easy to stop a child who's struggling at something and for you to just do it for them. I would strongly encourage you NOT to interrupt them...even if they're doing it wrong or just not quite the way that YOU want them to do it (because in THEIR world, who's to say what's right for them). Here's were the patience comes in...just do your best to sit back and let them try and do it. And not just that, but try to encourage them to do it on their own and figure it out. Having that bit of patience to let them make those mistakes and do it on their own will teach them so much more than just you showing them how you would do it...and not only that, but it will empower them and should encourage them to try more things out on their own in the future.

Now that I've said all this, I will admit that I'm not the shining example of everything I just said...and not even the majority of the time either. The problem is, we weren't necessarily parented like this when we were kids. So not matter how much we know we should be doing something a particular way...there's so many times when we won't do those things because another set of "rules" have been engrained into our parenting skills repertoire. You can only do your best at any particular moment...and just keep trying to remind yourself to have some patience...and hopefully you'll eventually be able to train yourself better for the next time around.