Food Glorious Food

Over the past several years, food has been an ever-changing issue in our lives. Even before we had our girls, Barbara and I were constantly re-evaluating the things we were buying at the store or where we were going out to eat or what we were eating when we went out. When we had decided we were going to bring a child into this world, my wife took it upon herself to focus on making our food intake "healthier". I think like most younger parents these days, we started hearing the "organic" buzzwords flying around...and so we jumped on that bandwagon because we thought that would be "the best" for our kids.

Over the next few years we went through various other dietary changes...all with the intention of making our lives healthier. The problem we discovered was that we wouldn't ever stick to a strict diet...that whenever we got busy or tired or just lazy, that we would abandon the "diet" and just go back to the things that we loved the most...which usually weren't all that healthy for us. At one point along the way, I made an interesting self-discovery. My wife had suggested to me the umpteenth diet change...and at that point I probably got a little too frustrated with her...and so I basically told her I was sick of it and wanted to stop.

After some discussion with her...and probably a lot more thought about it on my part...I figured out one important fact about all the diets we've been through. And that was, every time we went through one of these diets...after we had learned everything we felt we could from it...that even if we stopped doing the full-on diet, we always would take something from the diet that we continued to incorporate in our everyday food choices.

Most recently, we went to hear some people talk at Rethinking Everything that helped us to rethink and redefine our family. One of the big changes was to move more towards allowing our kids to decide what they want to eat and when...basically letting them decide when they were hungry and how much they should be eating...putting more trust in them and understanding that they know their bodies better than we do. 

Now, that doesn't mean that they can eat whatever they want when they are around the house...we still have some "control" because we still buy whatever food that comes into the house...but they are more than welcome to any of the choices we do have at hand. So at those times when one of them might ask for something that's not in house...we just have to explain to them that we don't have that particular item...and then we show them all of the things that we do have. It's pretty easy for them make a choice from one of the healthy options we have...and they always enjoy what they're eating. It's amazing what the power of choice can bring to a child...empowering them so that they feel they control their own lives. And we're happy about it because they're eating the things that we like.

We do try to make a habit of not bringing any food items that we would consider "unhealthy" into our home. Now that doesn't mean that we don't go out to eat or occasionally buy "unhealthy" items...but we do try our best to do it as infrequently as we can. We buy organic foods when we can afford them...we buy lots of fruits, vegetables, and minimally processed foods...we've also stopped buying most foods with processed sugars in them (this is the most recent change).

Because my girls tend to snack off and on all day long, it's often the case that they don't eat a full meal at dinner...because they're just not hungry. Sometimes when we're around people that don't understand this, they think that we're not feeding our kids enough. What most frustrating from all this, is that I would expect that most everyone would see our food choices for our kids as good choices...that they would see how healthy and happy our kids are with what they eat...yet we still get comments about them. Sometimes we get comments about our 3-year old daughter that she's too skinny...yet she always eats every time she gets hungry. And I hate to mention it, but haven't these people seen my own physique? I weigh roughly the same weight that I did whenever I was in high school...I'm skinny now and I've always been skinny...high metabolisms will do that to you. My other daughter isn't as skinny (nor is she as small, in general)...and yet we haven't really changed our eating habits very much between the two of them. That's just the way each of their bodies are built...and I love them each for it.

We've also recently gone through some interesting discussions with my 14-year old son in regards to trying to figure out how to balance his eating habits within the family. In the past, every time I talked to somebody about how I felt like he ate too much...or that when he did eat, he chose to always eat the most unhealthiest options...I would always get the general response "but he's a growing boy...he should be eating like that". It just seems crazy to me how our society so easily finds excuses for our horrible eating habits.

What has amazed me the most recently has been seeing the transformation of both his body and his mind since he moved in with us about six months ago. As I had mentioned before, we don't have a lot of unhealthy food choices within the house...and so whenever he does choose to eat, he still gets to make the choice of what he wants to eat. He even has the option to go buy something unhealthy, if that's what he wants to choose to do. Yet within the last couple of months, he's made comments to me about how sick he feels whenever he tries to eat something unhealthy (such as a McD hamburger). And even though he sometimes complains about the food choices at our house...he still makes comments to me about how he likes that he's eating healthier and likes being skinny and not overweight.

Ultimately, I like knowing that he knows he still has a choice to eat whatever he wants...and yet he will still always ask for my approval when eating certain things...even though the answer I always give him is "You know it's your choice". I've even specifically asked him if that's how he felt to make sure it wasn't just in my own mind. Now that doesn't mean I don't tell him when I like or dislike something...and I don't try to manipulate him...but I explain to him why I would or wouldn't eat/drink whatever item he's asking about. And then he knows he's still free to make his own choice.

For now we are moving on with our life as usual...as a continual work in progress. And I'm sure we will have many other diets along the way...but as long as I still feel like we're doing the best for our family, we'll keep doing it no matter what other people might think.

Intervention?

I know it's been a little bit of a gap since I last posted...but things have been a little bit busier around here the last few days than I had expected them to be. It all started with a long online communication with my brother telling me that I needed to stop worrying my mother so much...followed by an unexpected visit from one of my wife's brothers, who flew in from out of state to have a personal talk with us...followed by an arranged lunch meeting with my mother that got a whole lot more emotional than I really thought it was going to.

Basically, our families got together without our knowledge and decided they needed to have a long talk with us. Some of them had been using my blog as their means of communication with us...in other words, they hadn't talked with us about what we were up to (on the phone or computer or in person)...and instead used my posts to find out what was going on in our lives. Obviously, this frustrated us to no end. Some might say that we should have been more communicative with them about what we we've been doing. But I don't think it's our responsibility to tell everyone what all of our plans are...and if any of them want to know what's going on, or what are plans are, we're more than willing to be open with them and tell them.  

Well, so that's sort of what they did. I think we're just more frustrated with the method in which it was executed. Each and every family member that was involved had ample opportunity to contact us and talk with us directly. Not that we expect everyone to agree with our choices...but I don't think anyone expects everyone to agree with everything they do. I think our family is pretty used to the fact that we tend to do stuff outside the box.

We're okay with all of that...we're okay with the fact that we're living outside the box (obviously). Ultimately, the most important thing is that we believe that we're doing what's best for our kids. It's strange to see how much everyone is so concerned about us and our kids...especially knowing that every action and every change that we've made in our lives for the past 4+ years has been with our kids in mind, and trying to do what's best for them.

Even though I've made it a point to not use my blog as a means for family communication, I'm going to take this moment to direct a few comments at any family/friends who might still be concerned about our family situation. Please don't assume that we are not doing what's best for our kids...or that we might not have thought about what we are doing or where we might be six months down the road. Please don't assume that we are being foolish or that our finances are in trouble, especially when you don't know how much money we have, what we are spending it on, or how much money we are bringing in or might be earning in in the near future. And don't assume that we will run our family into the ground to the point that we will ask for assistance from our family, especially since we have never done that in the past, and don't ever plan on doing it in the future.

With all that being said, we're glad knowing that we have loving and caring family members who are concerned because they've been reading things on my blog that freaked them out a little. I would like to notify anyone that is reading this blog to not take these posts as the final word on everything that we're doing. I am not using the blog as a means to communicate with my family or friends. If anyone reads something and wants to discuss the subject further...please comment here or message/email/call me. I like that my family is interested in what we are doing, and obviously I feel passionately about it, so I would love to talk more about it.

I'm sure I will be talking more specifically about the things that were brought up in the next few blogs that I'll post, as it's all that I've been able to really think about these past few days...so thanks again for the additional material.

Work Sucks...So Why Do it?

That's the question I've been asking myself quite a lot recently. To explain, let me first give you a definition of what I consider "work". "Work", for me, is basically anything that I'm doing where the main intent is to earn money...and is something that, if I didn't need the money, I wouldn't be doing otherwise. A "job" would be something where I have reoccurring "work". So, with those definitions...if given the choice, why would anyone ever do work or have a job? If money was taken out of the picture...would anyone ever work?

A quick side note...I suppose you could look at it as a barter system instead...and that instead of doing the work for money, you're doing the work for other trade goods that you might need. So let's assume for a second that you don't need money or any other specific trade goods...would you work? Some people might say yes..."I like it when I'm working on _____". Okay...I'm not going to deny that that's possible. Everyone enjoys doing different things...that's what makes us work together well as a society. But that goes outside the definition I gave..."work" is something that you wouldn't want to be doing, if the money and/or trade goods weren't needed.

But everyone needs some money or some of kind of goods, right?...because we have basic needs that we have to fulfill like food, water, and shelter. Or we're also providing those things for other members of our family. So, no matter what, we all need certain things to survive. And if we're not already creating those things for ourselves, then we have to obtain them from someone else.

I know this is rambling somewhat...but bear with me...I'm almost to my point. So the main problem I see here, is that the majority of us aren't able (or willing) to provide those basic needs on our own. To get food/water...you need land...you need a supply of grown goods...you need running fresh water. To build an adequate shelter...you need supplies...and again you need land/location to build it. Without money, most of us can't obtain these things. So that leads us to where most of us are now...we come to the conclusion that we NEED money to obtain the things that we need to survive. And if we need money, then we NEED to work...and the easiest way to get consistent work is at a job.

And so a lot of us growing up come to the realization, mostly from the observation of those around us, that we not only need a job in order to live, but that we need a well-paying job so that we can cover our basic needs, as well as all the other things that we think we "need". In my perception, it appears that most of us (including myself) end up sacrificing our happiness (or at least being able to always do what makes us happy) in order to do this work at this job. At least that's what I've been doing for the past 20 years...working at jobs that I don't really like...just so that I can make money.

We finally get to the big question that I have been trying to wrap my mind around...why can't everyone find something that they like to do...AND actually make money doing it...at least enough to provide the basic needs for yourself and your family. The biggest problem (at least for me) was fear...the unknown. Six months ago, I wasn't sure what it was that I would want to do, given the choice. Sure, I had some ideas, but only about what I liked to do...not exactly ideas about things that I could do that would actually make me money or provide for my basic needs.

So at first I was scared...I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to be doing...but I did know one important thing. I knew that there were people out there doing what I was wishing I could be doing...there were people out there doing what they loved...loving what they were doing...AND providing for their family's basic needs. So why couldn't I be doing that?...why couldn't I be doing "work" that made me happy?...that I enjoyed? Well, after a decent amount of thought and discussions with my wife...we decided it was time

And so after working as a professional engineer for over 13 years...I called it quits. It wasn't because I didn't like the people I was working with...it wasn't because I didn't like the place I was working. In a sense, it even wasn't the actual work itself...meaning, that as far as engineering work was concerned, in my opinion, it was pretty a good job for the pay. But even with all of those positive aspects of my job...it still wasn't making me happy...and therefore it wasn't what I wanted to be doing.

So here I am, almost 4 months later...I still don't have a "job" and I'm still not doing any "work". However, I am doing some things that I wasn't before...things that I really like doing and that are going to make me money. And with a continued positive outlook, I will be able to turn this experience into even more possibilities that will provide support for myself and my family.

For those of you out there who are looking down your path of life and wanting something a little bit more out of it...go ahead and take that leap...a leap of faith, if you want to call it that. Faith in the fact that many people out there are doing exactly that...they are taking the leap, and they are landing on their two feet and running with it. And above everything else...they are happy in whatever it is that they're doing.

One Family...Living a Simpler Life

As I've somewhat already stated, my family has been on an eco-friendly trend the past few years. One of our more recent eco-friendly goals has been simplification and minimization...of just about anything we can deal with at that moment. The idea is to remove the excess clutter and to just focus on the things in your life that you enjoy...this can easily lead to a much happier and much less stressful life. However, when you start doing the research on what the possibilities are, you quickly come to realize that simplifying your life isn't as simple as one might first think.

Little by little we've been reducing and removing anything that we don't feel like we really need. As we all have probably come to realize at one point or another in our lives...we collect a heckuva (they should really make that a word) lot of stuff (soon to be junk) over the years. Somehow or another it all ends up on shelves and in boxes...sometimes in the attic or the basement or the garage. Sometimes we end up buying a larger residence to accommodate all of the stuff. It just amazes me sometimes how much control all of this stuff has on our lives.

We first started our household reduction simply by going room-to-room and just dumping stuff we found that we didn't "need" in a bag or box. It was amazing how quickly those boxes/bags filled up. All of those items will soon be sold or donated...which is also a nice way to make a little extra cash.

The thing that freaked me out the most was all of the kid's toys. Even though we had had the girls toys somewhat nicely stored away in little cubbies and such...it just amazed me how quickly we had accumulated so many things for them. But if you think about birthdays...and christmas...and then just the random stuff we would buy them when we found something cool while we were shopping...it all adds up SOOO quickly. It's no wonder that they rarely ever want to play in their room with their stuff...it was just too overwhelming...where would they start?

So now...our house has been slightly rearranged. We've moved the girls stuff into a different, more centrally located room...and we minimized their things to the point where they actually love to play in their room again. Now we will probably need to figure out a method of cycling in new toys and cycling out old ones...but I think the days of just adding and adding and adding onto the existing base of toys and books and things is over.

Another big step that we recently took...which for some reason seems to have been looming over our head for way too long now...is moving towards minimizing down to a single vehicle. Two days ago we finally unloaded my wife's old Tahoe. It actually sold in only a few hours after we posted it online...for what we were asking for it...and it went to a woman who really really wanted a Tahoe. So it felt really good to sell it...not only just to get it off our backs...but to give it a nice home as well.

We still have two vehicles at the moment...but we're working towards selling our Camry Hybrid…it should also be a pretty easy sell.  I’m sad to have to sell it because if I could choose one of our vehicles to keep it would be this one... unfortunately, it doesn't have enough room for our periodic 6-passenger family requirement. So we'll stick with the one vehicle that does provide the adequate room. Perhaps we'll trade it in for a different similar vehicle in the near future...but we haven't really finalized any details about that...so who knows when that might happen.

I do want to note that even with the above changes, that we don't feel like we're anywhere near where we need to be on our road to simplification. There's still lots left to do...and it almost seems like we would never really achieve our simplest form...because there would always be something that we could really just do without. But for now...it feels good to have finished the portion that we have completed...and it feels good to know that we're all a little bit happier having done it.

For anyone interested in expanding their knowledge about ways to simplify or minimize your life, here are a couple of helpful websites that my wife introduced me to. The first link is a link to the page for the book Simplicity Parenting…a book about the benefits that simplifying your life can have on your children as well as helpful ideas to get the process started. This second link is from a blog-type website with lots of useful information for simplifying all aspects of your life. Zen Habits is a page from the site that I found helpful in finding information for simplifying certain aspects of your life.

I’m sure I’ll be talking more about this subject in the blog from time to time…so if anyone has any tips or suggestions for other ways to simplify...or even other websites or books...please leave them in my comments section. 

Kids and Gaming?

I recently posted a blog about my daughter's adventures playing one of the video games I recently purchased. Before I had decided to post that blog, I had had some concerns about posting it because I thought some people might find it offensive. But in the end, I obviously posted it anyways. I figured if I'm already considering censoring what I wanted to post...then I might as well quit my blog now. Because that's just not the type of blog that I want to write.

But with all that said, I thought it might be a good idea to post about why I think it's okay to be doing what I'm doing. I would also be interested in any reader comments (either for or against) on the subject. I enjoy hearing different viewpoints...because I know that I've personally changed a lot of my views fairly recently because of different viewpoints that have been expressed to me.

So let's start from the beginning. Whenever my two boys were much younger...I used to restrict what they could watch or play. That's because someone, somewhere had told me that it might be bad for them. For instance...that watching violent movies and playing violent video games was not good for them. That it could lead to violent tendencies or could make them desensitized to violence. So...I went along with it because I wanted "the best" for my kids.

My eldest daughter is now three years old (almost four). She has been watching me play various video games...basically since the day she was born. I have not restricted her viewing much, even with movies and TV shows. I do watch a lot of mature shows, movies and video games...ones that have "bad" language, sex, violence, and even death/killing.

The only line I would probably draw here would be if I was watching something that was like a shock-horror movie (which is pretty rare for me)...something that might really scare her and give her unnecessary nightmares. I figure I'll try and let her create her own things to be scared of in her own due time.

So I do want to clarify here...that I'm not forcing her to do any of these things. She's making her own choices whether to sit and watch these things with me...and I try and answer any questions that she comes up with. Now, more often than not, she'll come over and start watching something with me...but quickly fade away to do something else she'd rather be doing...like watching a different movie or playing a different game. Most of the time...whatever it is I'm doing just doesn't interest her.

Now that leads to where we are now...in regards to the "mature" video game that I'm currently playing. I started it about a week ago and she had watched me play it off and on for a couple days. One time when she was briefly watching me play....she asked me if she could play this game...and I quickly told her no. This was not because I was concerned about the "mature" nature of the game...but because I know that she has difficult time with the game controller...mostly with being able to move around in that type of game. Her hands just aren't quite big enough to hold it in order to use the joystick easily. So when my friend suggested that I should write a blog about her playing the game too...I jumped on it. I knew I would have to help her along with the controls...but I knew it was something she would enjoy because she already asked me to do it...and it would also be something she could do with me.

So I asked her if she still wanted to play that game...and she told me she did...and here we are. So now, I only play the game with her when she asks to play...and I only play as long as she wants to play...which is usually only about 15-30 minutes. I do have to help her with the controls a little...but she's getting better each time she plays. If nothing else, I figure I'm helping her with her hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills. She also really likes to "kill the bad guys". She mostly just sits there mashing the button as fast as she can until they are all dead. And she gets excited about "winning" against them.

Now, as far as the "Bella's Kill Count" is concerned...that was more of something funny to put up that people could check every time they read my blog. If people don't really think it's all that funny, then I can just take it down.

I hope that is enough of an explanation for people...there's actually probably more that I could say on the subject...but I figure that's enough reading for you guys for now. So PLEASE leave some comments if you feel so inclined to do so. I would like to hear about why you agree or disagree. Or maybe just tell me about what you do with your kids and why you choose to do so.

How To: Let Your Kids Be Happy

For all the existing or soon to be fathers out there...do you want to know the best advice I have for being a good parent/father? It's very simple...in an abstract sort of way. The answer is...

Patience.

This might seem obvious...but maybe I should explain a little more to let you know what I mean. If we personally had all the time in the world...I don't think we would ever get mad/frustrated/angry at our kids. If you ever look back at the moments where you felt like you were not being the best parent...more than likely if you had had more time at that moment, things would have been just fine. Let me give some for-instances...

The first obvious one...involves any time that you were ever running late for something...school, the doctor, well just about anything really. Your child, at that moment, is just being a child...not caring about timelines or appointments or deadlines...just going with the flow, doing whatever it is they want to do. All of sudden you start requesting that your child get ready to go...finished getting dressed...get your shoes on...etc. And oh wait...they also have to go to the bathroom...or they're hungry...or maybe they just weren't mentally prepared to go at all. And now your child is getting upset because they're being rushed when they weren't ready to be rushed...and now you're either running late or your child is screaming in your ear because they are unhappy.

So...how could this have been avoided. Although patience is the key...it's not really the complete answer. The patience comes with spending a little more time to prepare your child to get ready to leave. Let them know well in advance so they aren't surprised when the time comes. Start getting them ready a lot earlier than you think that you might need to get ready...this allows for any of those surprises that your child might bring up that you really hadn't planned on. And also have a little patience with how long it takes them to do something...try not to rush them and try not to do it yourself. This is where having all the time in the world would be helpful...because it seems more often than not, that we don't have that little bit of extra time to do those things. So unfortunately, no matter how many times you do try to plan for this...there will probably be times where things still won't work out in your or your child's favor. C'est la vie. Just try and roll with it as much as you can.

Another for-instance is...whenever your child is trying something for the first time...or maybe just hadn't gotten the hang of doing something and is trying it out again. It's REAL easy to stop a child who's struggling at something and for you to just do it for them. I would strongly encourage you NOT to interrupt them...even if they're doing it wrong or just not quite the way that YOU want them to do it (because in THEIR world, who's to say what's right for them). Here's were the patience comes in...just do your best to sit back and let them try and do it. And not just that, but try to encourage them to do it on their own and figure it out. Having that bit of patience to let them make those mistakes and do it on their own will teach them so much more than just you showing them how you would do it...and not only that, but it will empower them and should encourage them to try more things out on their own in the future.

Now that I've said all this, I will admit that I'm not the shining example of everything I just said...and not even the majority of the time either. The problem is, we weren't necessarily parented like this when we were kids. So not matter how much we know we should be doing something a particular way...there's so many times when we won't do those things because another set of "rules" have been engrained into our parenting skills repertoire. You can only do your best at any particular moment...and just keep trying to remind yourself to have some patience...and hopefully you'll eventually be able to train yourself better for the next time around.

Addicted Dad

So I'm going to get into the nitty-gritty again with this post...back to serious dad mode.

As I've already stated...I like video games. Okay...easy enough. But there's really more to it than just that. I don't just like them...I love them. If I had to pick one thing to do in my leisure time above anything else...it would be to sit down at my computer, Xbox, or mobile device and play some video games.

And I don't just play the games...for the most part, I master them. If it's a game that I've really grown to enjoy, then I want to be #1 at that game...I want to be the best. I want to find all the best loot...I want to finish all the quests...I want to do all the achievements associated with that game. If there's some kind of leaderboard or ranking system, then I want to be at the top of it. Even if it's a simple app-game...I will do whatever research and experimentation is necessary to make sure that I'm doing everything I can to maximize my potential. Okay...I think you guys get the picture.

So, the problem is, this all leads to the realization that I'm actually addicted to playing video games. And I'm not saying that to be flippant about it...I'm saying that with the pure realization that I've done things and do things that I wouldn't be doing if I wasn't playing games or wanting to play those games. They affect my every-day life. I sometimes forego the basic life requirements in order to play or continue playing...sleep...food & water...potty breaks. And not only that, but I've probably been less active as a father role at times.

So what am I doing about this "problem". Nothing really. In fact, I've somewhat embraced the "problem" and I'm actually attempting to include more of it into my life. And in case you haven't guessed it already, part of that inclusion was the creation of this blog. Ultimately, I would like to be living my life playing video games...all the while continuing to interact with my family and even supporting them financially. How do I do that exactly? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not exactly sure yet. I'm still working out all those details. But I'll sure let you know when I do figure it out. Right now, all I know is that I'm pursuing my life in a reality where I'm doing what makes me happy.